EmD/F#GE/G#AmAm/GD/F#BB4GAEBB4GAEBB4GAE
Oh yeah!
BB4GAEBB4GAEBB4GAEBB4GAEBB4GAE
[Verse 1]
BB4GAE
Long ago and far away
BB4GAE
In labyrinths of coral caves
BB4GAE
A mystic crystal was forged in glass
BB4GAE
From magic or some shit like that
GAE
Its powers had been used for good
GAE
And all men lived in brotherhood
GAE/G#
Until The Necromancer came
B
Upon his steed of bones and flame
CGD
His prism eyes with evil gleamed
CGD
He stole the crystal, then he screamed
CGD
"Now gods and men and all between
FC
Shall blow my necromancing shween!"
CGD
The knights and nobles of the land
CGD
Did all they could to stay his hand
CGD
Yet not a single blow was struck
FCE7F#7
Alas! For he was strong as fuck
[Interlude]
BB4GAEBB4GAEBB4GAE
Oh yeah!
BB4GAE
[Part 2]
BB4GAE
He grabbed The Princess from her throne
BB4GAE
And trapped her in the crystal stone
BB4GAE
The King called in his wizards three
BB4GAE
And begged them brokenheartedly
GAE
"Search the forests, search the seas
GAE
Search time and all realities
GAE
Two champions are what I need
B
To bring my daughter back to me!"
CGD
"Yes, my king, it shall be done"
CGD
The wizards said, and so begun
CGD
A wondrous spell that soon would find
FC
The greatest men in space and time
CGD
And that's where our story begins
CGD
And Danny and Brian come in
CGD
There is no quest from which they'd flee
FCE7D
But right now they're in New Jersey
[Spoken]
N.C.
Hey, Ninja Brian, is that a mystic space portal behind you?
N.C.
Oh shit!
[Interlude]
EmD/F#GCAmAm/GD/F#
[Verse 3]
EmD/F#GC
We woke up in a foreign land
AmAm/GD/F#
Inside a castle, oh so grand
EmD/F#GE/G#
And there atop a throne of gold
AmAm/GD/F#
Arose The King, so gross and old
BmC
"I've called you from the great beyond
BmCD
To save my daughter, hot and blonde
EmD/F#GE/G#
You've sailed across the sky and stars
AmAm/GF#7B
The gods have brought you here unharmed"
[Verse 4]
BB4
"Actually your majesty
G/B
You just sucked us through 26 dimensions of space and time
A/B
And I've gotta be completely honest with you
B
My arms are broken
B4
And I don't know why my chest is smoking"
G/B
"I will heal you with my staff
A/B
I'm sure we'll look back on this and laugh
BB4
Now go! Ride toward the sun atop these noble steeds
G/B
You're our spandex heroes now
A/B
Fulfill your destinies"
BB4
And so! We turned and rode beyond the castle walls
G/BA/BBB4G/BA/B
With shining codpiece armor that doth cradled our chivalrous balls
BB4G/BA/B
[Verse 5]
GDA
The sky grew dark and the road was narrow
CGD
But I knew we'd never be led astray
GDA
For Brian brought his magic arrows
CGD
They were blessed to light our righteous way
DD4C4CDD4C4C
Ah! Brian, do you think you could warn me before you're about to light our righteous way?
DD4C4CDD4C4C
Oh, god! Alright, fine, whatever, man Let's ride!
EmDEmDEmDCGA7B7
[Verse 6]
ED
The trees were twisted the air was thick
ACD
T'was clear his domain was as evil as dick
ED
We passed through the gloom of the Forest of Fear
ACDE
Then the Pits of Disgust, and the Dark Swamp of Tears
ED
Then off in the distance so clear
ACD
The cold gray peak of Mount Nasty appeared
ED
Past the Fields of Annoyance, and Dragon Barf Junction
ACDEDA
And the treacherous Cliffs of Erectile Dysfunction
CDED
Now Brian has erectile dysfunction
D
Only Brian, though I know, it's weird
[Verse 7]
ED
We arrived at the evil one's hall
ACD
And dismounted our trusty steeds with resolve
ED
We hugged them goodbye and promised we'd never quit
ACDE
Then they ran straight away, for they gave not a shit
ED
Moonlight rose over the door
ACD
Lit all the jewels and the skulls on the floor
ED
We felt no terror as we entered the cave
A7CA7
Unless the bells of doom tolled we knew we'd be safe
CDA7
We knew we'd be safe!
CD
We knew we'd be sa- Oh fuck...
[Verse 8]
D#mC#/E#F#
Colored gemstones lit up the wall
C#
They formed a rainbow trail
D#m
Up to a giant waterfall
D#mF#
And there the Necromancer grinned
C#
The Princess stood frozen
G#m
Yet still so hot beside him (Damn!)
D#mF#
Then I heard a voice in my mind
F#/A#C#
T'was The Princess!
C#D#m
She said "Danny, your heart is kind
D#m
Only light can stop dark!"
F#
I knew what she spoke of…
C#
To defeat The Necromancer
C#BD#mF#C#
I had to use love!
G#m
"Stand back, Brian, I'm going to hug him!"
[Verse 9]
D#m
He immediately shattered both my legs
D#m
And threw me across the room
F#
"I probably should have brought some weapons"
F#
I thought as I flew
C#
Then Ninja Brian picked me up
C#
Because he's a good friend
B
Then he used my body like a club
B
To beat our enemy to death
Em
I should have been in more pain
Em
Than could ever be spoken
G
Luckily, I felt nothing
G
Because my back was totes broken
D
Oh, the Necromancer was dead
D
And the crystal broke in three
C
I looked up into the light and saw
CB7
The Princess was now free
B7BmB
"Brian, she's so beautiful! Roll me to her!"
[Verse 10]
CGD
We journeyed gladly toward The King
CGD
His lands now green with the life of spring
CGD
He leapt up and wept at the sight
FC
Of his girl as she carried me through the night
CGD
"Heal this man, wizards!", he cried with delight
CGD
Which they did, goddamn, they keep their magic game tight
CGD
But sadly it was time to leave
CGD
So the king said "Fix Brian's E.D
FCE7A
And hooray for Ninja Sex Party!"
N.C.
"Look, Ninja Brian, the Portal back home is opening!"
[Interlude]
C#D#mF#C#D#mF#
[Verse 11]
C#FmBbmBBbm
Now fare thee well, it seems that our journey is at an end
C#FmBbmBG#7
We will be here, if you should ever need our help again
C#FmBbmBF#
We walked away but stopped and turned before we took our last step
C#FmBbmBBbm
Brian killed a guy real quick to make sure he maintained his rep
C#Fm
We all have our battles to fight
BbmBG#
And a crystal cage to break through in our lives
C#Fm
But when hope is gone
BbmBF#C#
We will be there to help you rock the fuck on