Intro: C  F  C  F

       C      F     C  
A lady gets a lotta things 
           G        C
She gets a 20 carat ring 
             F       C    
She gets the alimony too 
            G                C     
She gets to look good in the nude 
                D                        G  
But there's one place where they've been whipped 
            D              G
Between the nose and upper lip 
Chorus:
C           F
M-M-M-M-M-M Moustache (3X)
C           G            C 
One hundred hairs make a man 

I tried a handlebar design 
My Fu Manchu was real fine 
My Ronald Colman made 'em blink 
My Pancho Villa made 'em think 
But when I trimmed 'em real small 
My Jewish friends would never call 

Chorus

They call me sir, and that ain't bad 
Sometimes they think that I'm my Dad 
And women flirt and you can bet 
They like that tickle that they get 
The only time I feel bad 
Is when the guess the lunch I've had