G                       A
Wanna have some quality time with my son
C                                    G
So I brought him down to the fishin' hole
G                               A
Didn't like the feelin' of that worm in his hand
    C                           G
Got mad, threw down his fishin' pole

G                                 A
Said, "That's alright, son. Let's go and get an ice cream"
 C                          G
"Let your old man buy you a treat"
G                             A
But he didn't like no flavors up upon that wall
C                                G
Started crying, and ran into the street...

        G                    B   
He's an asshole, my kid's an asshole
C                              G
I swear it just don't float my boat
       G              B
Always crying, always crying
C                                     G
Made me wanna punch him in his little throat

G                    A
Called my lady up to tell her what had happened
C                   G
How our son had run away
G                             A
She said, "Don't worry, baby, I will talk to him"
C                       G
"And everything will be okay"

             G                 B
My lady's an asshole, she's an asshole
C                            G
Her assholishness is off the charts
       G               B
Always perfect, always perfect
C                          G
Made me wanna punch her in her lady-parts

(Whistling)

G                A
I decided I'd go down to the bar
C                         G
And drown my sorrows in a beer
G                          A
But the sign outside said 'Closed For Renovations'
C                         G
'We'll open up again next year'...

               G                B
That bar is an asshole, it's an asshole
C                        G
Oh, the worst bar in the land!
       G               B
Always closing, always closing
C                                         G
Can't punch a bar, cause you'll hurt your hand

(Whistling)

G              A
I went home to forget about my troubles
C                            G
Sat down in my favorite easy chair
G                            A
But I couldn't relax for the pain I was feelin'
C                         G
As my hemorrhoid began to flair...

                G               B
My asshole's an asshole, a real butthole
C                                G
Needs to put his asshole-self in check!
       G               B
Always burning, always itching
C                                      G
Made me wanna punch him in his asshole neck

(Whistling)

G               A
Late one night, lyin' awake in bed
C                   G
Mmmm, a realization came
G                         A
Are there really assholes everywhere I look?
C                  G
Or am I the one to blame?

G                   A
Maybe I just do not say the things I should say
C                           G
And I don't do the things I ought to
G                              A
So I took a good, hard look at myself in the mirror
C                  G
And this is what I thought...

                                      G                B
The guy who sold me this mirror is an asshole, he's an asshole
C                          G
Son of a bitch said it was antique
       G             B
He was lyin', he was lyin'
C                                       G
Made me wanna punch him in his salesman cheek

C                     G
I'm on a real asshole streak
C                          G
I could open up an asshole boutique
C                                  G
I think this song has reached it's peak
C                                   G
Goodbye, you assholes, see you next week!