Em G D Em the beer i had for breakfast was a bottle of mad dog G D Em and my 20/20 vision was fifty percent off G D Em you said punch-buggy red and punched me right in my left eye G D Em i said don't you mean pediddle? and i lit his house on fire [Verse] Em G D Em he came home on acid i was holding his shotgun G D Em i was dressed like tina turner in beyond thunder dome G D Em he said don't shoot, i said i won't i love you you're my friend G D Em i handed him my wig and shot myself in the head G D Em then i stuffed a box of tissues in the hole in my skull G D Em i got in my mazda and i drove to the mall G D Em i got a big johnson shirt and some silicone tits G D Em when i pulled out the tissues they were covered with shit [Chorus] Em G D Em and the beer i had for breakfast was a box of cheap white wine G D Em and the boom box on my shoulder was a box of clementines G D Em i ate every single one without noticing the mold G D Em you said you're gross my darling, i said no i'm rock and roll [Verse] Em G D Em even though i'd never ever been in a band G D Em i got cool as black ice tattooed on my hand G D Em and the christians gave me comic books as if i would be scared G D Em of burning in hell well i was already there [Chorus] Em G D Em and the beer i had for breakfast silver bullet in the brain G D Em and the beer i had for lunch was a bottle of night train G D Em and the beer i had for dinner was my crazy neighbor's pills G D Em we had to sit down on skateboards jut to make it down the hill [Bridge] Em G D Em then i peed my pants and you stole the groom's cigar G D Em and some old man made me watch him masturbate locked in his car G D Em when i got back to the apartment you were face down on the floor G D Em you said don't go to bed yet let's go get a 64 [Chorus] Em G D Em and the beer i had had for breakfast was a pint of jim beam G D Em and a fifth of peach schnapps and some warm sunny d G D Em and you said bottoms up just as i bottomed out G D Em i tried to scream fuck you but blood was pouring out my mouth [Verse] Em G D Em evan dando never planned on telling you the truth G D Em and your leonardo i.d. card is your fountain of youth G D Em you can be a teenager for your whole fucking life G D Em just find some pretty sucker and make that bitch your wife G D Em i guess by now you all know my friend danny broke his neck G D Em he was driving home from sirens when he got into a wreck G D Em first i cried for him and then i cried for me G D Em haunted by the ghost of the girl i used to be G D Em but the rocks with holes are warm in my hands G D Em and i buried my toes in the hot hot sand G D Em and the silver pink pony kisses me and says G D Em you've come a long, long way and you deserve to be really happy