Introduction spoken over G chord =
Nicholas...Albert...look I don't know where they are but I'd like you to meet
my two pals my buddies my two amigos I'll tell you all about them...well

Chorus
G               D               C                 D
I never gargled I never gambled I never smoked at all
G              D               C             D     G
Until I met my two good amigos Nick Teen and Al K. Hall

Verse 1
G                                                          D
Strange as it seems I met in my dreams Nick Teen and Al K. Hall
D 
Here's what they said to me 'Use your head 
         N/C
just see your life is very very dull'
Chorus
     G               D               C                 D
Well I never gargled I never gambled I never smoked at all
G              D               C             D     G
Until I met my two good amigos Nick Teen and Al K. Hall

Verse 2
G                                                          D
So I said to Nick 'Nick tell me quick what should a fellow do?'
D
He said to me 'Boy easy to see boy 
D   N/C
You should try a cigarette or two'

Chorus
     G               D               C                 D
Well I never gargled I never gambled I never smoked at all
G              D               C             D     G
Until I met my two good amigos Nick Teen and Al K. Hall

Verse 3
G                                                     D
So I lit a fag and I took a drag then to my great surprise
D
I started to gasp and coughed like a rasp
D   N/C
And everything spun round before my eyes

Chorus
     G               D               C                 D
Well I never gargled I never gambled I never smoked at all
G              D               C             D     G
Until I met my two good amigos Nick Teen and Al K. Hall

Verse 4
G                                               D
So I said to Al 'Al be a pal what do you really think?'
D
He said to me 'Boy easy to see boy 
D         N/C
Smoking's kid's stuff pour yourself a drink'

Chorus
     G               D               C                 D
Well I never gargled I never gambled I never smoked at all
G              D               C             D     G
Until I met my two good amigos Nick Teen and Al K. Hall

Verse 5
G                                                    D
So quick as a wink I took a drink swigged a glassful down
D
First it seemed to hit me then it turned around and bit me
D   N/C
And everything went all spinning round

Chorus
     G               D               C                 D
Well I never gargled I never gambled I never smoked at all
G              D               C             D     G
Until I met my two good amigos Nick Teen and Al K. Hall

Verse 6
G                                                     D
Well here is the joke when I awoke it wasn't finished yet
D
I noticed first a terrible thirst
D   N/C
And then a craving for a cigarette.

Chorus
     G               D               C                 D
Well I never gargled I never gambled I never smoked at all
G              D               C             D     G
Until I met my two good amigos Nick Teen and Al K. Hall

Verse 7
G                                                                   D
Well take my advice this smoking is nice and the drinking is really lush
D
As you can see there's no change in me
D   N/C
I'm still as pure as the driven slush

Chorus
     G               D               C                 D
Well I never gargled I never gambled I never smoked at all
G              D               C             D     G
Until I met my two good amigos Nick Teen and Al K. Hall
G     C        D     G       G
Nicka Teen and Al K. Haaaall