A                                       C#m                                      
When I need you you’re only ever twenty-eight away with a tailwind
D                Dm                   A                            
I’m on Shimano Ultegra now, ain’t you heard?
                                     C#m                                    
Through the trauma Jemma Guntrip has failed as a friend
D             Dm           A                      
Venezuela, Australia, then me.

Em            G            C     F        Bb        Eb  
But when it’s too late for drunks and too early for milkmen
Ab                               C
Give me the moonlight, give me a spade.
F        C          Dm      Bb        G           C
I’ve got soil on my fingers; I’ve got worms in my shoes,
F   C               Dm     Bb          G       C
The stench of death lingers when I lie next to you,
            F              C             Dm            
I’ve been allowed about an hour to comprehend 
       Bb           G            C      
That I simply can’t walk out the door
            F        C             Dm        Bb         G         C#   F  C#  F           
They’ve got rules by which I must abide; regulations to keep me secure.

A                                  C#m
With a help chute and a carbon monoxide alarm
D                       Dm            A
We would still have our Thursday afternoons
                             C#m                             
Consolation in the form of a halogen lamp
D            Dm                  A
Dark was the night, cold was the ground.

Em              G          C   F        Bb            Eb
When you’ve got nothing to lose you get worms in your shoes
Ab                                C           C7
You get the subterranean lovesick blues.

F                         C   Bb                   F
I’m still your number one fan; I’m your Betterware man
                          C   Bb                   F                     
I’m still your number one fan; I’m your Betterware man
                          C   Bb                   C#   F  C#  F                   
I’m still your number one fan; I’m your Betterware man.