A# F C Our son is four months old his name is Anthony or Ash for short A# F C And he's too small to do things by himself A# F C A# We were in A over Christmas in a rental and we jury-rigged a place F C To change his diapers on a shelf A# F C I was peeing in the bathroom and had left him for a second A# F C 'Cause I thought he couldn't move and he was safe A# F C As I came out I saw him falling in slow motion to the floor A# F C It was probably the worst moment of my life [Instrumental] A# F C x2 A# F C And then I accidentally stole a thing of chapstick from the safeway A# F C I didn't see it 'til I got out to the car A# F C I would have usually returned it but I was overwhelmed A# F C And late to take the baby to my cousins which was far away A# F C In my defense, I'd bought like 87 dollars worth of groceries A# F C And the chapstick was a dollar 99 A# F I know it wasn't the right thing to use C My newborn child as an excuse A# F C But it felt like a good reason at the time A# F And as I pulled out of the parking lot I cried A# F And as I pulled onto the highway I said right A# F C At least the baby didn't die A# F C At least the baby didn't die A# F And then we went to Sarasota C To see Neil's cousin Helen A# F C For her birthday she just turned ninety-nine A# F We were also there for Sidney C Who was ninety-four two days before A# F C But he was sick, so mostly it was Ash and Helen time A# F She survived the Warsaw ghetto C And she always says I love you" A# F C When she sees you 'cause she knows you never know A# F She'd worked for months while I was pregnant C On a gorgeous handmade blanket A# F C Her almost-hundred-year-old hands crocheting every row A# F C I'd been emailing her pictures of the baby and the blanket A# F C Every day since she had sent it in the mail A# F But they were of one that someone else had knitted C She was really nice about it A# F C Then I went and shoplifted a pair of ugly sunglasses A# F From Goodwill (they were on my head C I'd tried them on and left them there) A# F But that's not really bad compared to C A# When we left the baby in the car A# F C A# F C At least he wasn't in there very long A# F C And not directly in the sun A# F C And thank god no-one walking by happened to notice what we'd done A# F C I'm even scared to put these lyrics in a song But Gm A# F G A# Everything is relative and everyone's related Gm A# I can't do that much right now F G A# But take care of this baby A# F C I figure everything's technically all right A# F C If at least this baby doesn't die A# F C And then I took a plane to Washington alone A# F So we could visit Jason Webley who's his godfather C And plays a mean accordion A# F C I couldn't wait to see him and share tales of our disasters A# F C Over dinner in his houseboat when I saw I'd lost my passport A# F C So I got a rush appointment at the place where you replace them A# F C And I drove the baby in and on the way I got a speeding ticket A# F C A# When the cop came to the window I was shaking and I said "I'm sorry" F C A# But you couldn't hear me that's how loud the sound of screaming was F C Cause he was hungry and I think that I was speeding A# F Cause I panic when I hear him cry C My god what kind of a mother am i A# F C A# F C And as I pulled out of the breakdown lane I cried A# F C And as I pulled out on the highway I said right A# F C At least the baby didn't die A# F C At least the baby didn't die" A# F C While I was waiting for my passport I was hungry so A# F I twittered for a coffee in the neighborhood C A# F And there I saw a woman who was sitting at the bar C And it was noon and she was drinking A# F C And she called across the diner to me How old is your baby?" A# F And she smiled at us nursing C A# And she said she had a daughter who was grown F And then she paused C And said she also had a son A# F C And when I'd paid and was about to leave A# F C I picked him up and crossed the room and touched her sleeve A# F C I said, Hey, this baby wanted to say hi" A# F C And she held him tight and she started to cry A# F C And I'm sorry that this story's gotten long A# F C And that everybody's crying in this song A# F C And then I got back in the car I turned the radio and heater on A# F C And sat there with the baby in the back A# F C And they were talking about Syria and climate change and IB S A# F C And the candidates' positions on Iraq A# F I feel so useless in this universe C I know I could be doing worse A# F C I'm trying hard to stay at peace inside A# F I know it's hard to be a parent C But this mess is so gigantic A# F C i wonder if I should have had a child A# F C And as I pulled out of the parking lot I cried A# F And as I pulled out on the highway I said C right A# F C At least the baby didn't die A# F C At least the baby didn't die EVERYBODY: A# F C At least the baby didn't die!! A# F C At least the baby didn't die!! A# F C (i may not make it to the passport place on time!) (At least the baby didn't die) A# F C (and they might revoke my license for a while!!) (At least the baby didn't die) A# F C (and I might get caught for retroactive theft!!) (At least the baby didn't die) A# F C (and I might get turned into the DSS!) A# F C But at least the baby didn't die"