D                                            G             D
Well, I just got in from the local, I had to try the local brew,
    G              D                   E                  A
And I run into the local gossip, and I learned a thing or to,
 D                          G               D
About you local yokels, and what yas get up to,
    G               D                  A                D
And he read me your pedigrees and I'll read 'em back to you.

[Chorus]
            G              D            G             D
He said the local chefs' a poofter, the local docs' a drunk,
    G                  D           Dh/o          D     A       D
The local priest likes little boys bums, and the local cops' a cunt,
           D     A          D
I said the local cops' a... what did I say...
    D     A       D
The local cops' a cunt.

[Verse 2]
          D                               G                D
The local mayor's a fuckin dickhead,  his wifes' the local snob,
          G               D                   E              A
The local bank managers a fuckin' wanker, and so's the local cop,
          D                                G                  D
The local sparky's a fuckin' cowboy, local plumber's makin' a mint,
          G                      D                     A              D
The local undertaker's a fuckin' weirdo, and the local layers' full a shit.

[Chorus]
        G              D            G             D
And the local chefs' a poofter, the local docs' a drunk,
    G                  D           Dh/o          D     A       D
The local priest likes little boys bums, and the local cops' a cunt,
           D     A          D
I said the local cops' a... what did I say...
    D     A       D
The local cops' a cunt.

[Interlude]
(Play a couple of bars of E)

[Verse 3]
          E                                         A             E
The local bookie's a fuckin' shonky barstard, local races fuckin' rigged,
      A                  E                 F#                B
Local publican oughta be fuckin' hung, for waterin' down the piss,
          E                                  A                    E
The local pollies' a fuckin' gin jockey, and here's some'n else I know,
          A                        E                       B                     E
The local cricket team ain't worth fuckin' shit, the local footy teams a fuckin' joke.

[Chorus]
        A              E            A             E
And the local chefs' a poofter, the local docs' a drunk,
    A                  E           Eh/o          E     B       E
The local priest likes little boys bums, and the local cops' a cunt,
           E     B          E
I said the local cops' a... what did I say...
    E     B       E
The local cops' a cunt.

[Verse 4]
          E                                  A               E
The local butcher's full a blow flies, local dogs are full a fleas,
      A                  E              F#               B
Local barbers' a fuckin' butcher, local kids are fuckin' thieves,
      E                                A              E
Local caryards' a fuckin' rip off, and so's the local show,
        A             E                   B                         E
And the local cops' a deadset cunt, but I mentioned that a minute a go.

[Chorus]
           A              E            A             E
I said the local chefs' a poofter, the local docs' a drunk,
    A                  E           Eh/o          E     B       E
The local priest likes little boys bums, and the local cops' a cunt,
           A              E            A             E
I said the local chefs' a poofter, the local docs' a drunk,
    A                  E           Eh/o          E     B       E
The local priest likes little boys bums, and the local cops' a cunt,
           E     B          E
I said the local cops' a... what did I say...
    E     B       E
The local cops' a cunt.
Big finish... 1, 2, 3, 4,
    E     B       E
The local cop's a cunt.