G7   = 353433   E  = 022100   F     = 133211
Am   = x02210   G  = 355433   C7    = x32310
Am/G = 302210   C  = x32010   E/B   = x22100

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[Intro]
    Dm7      G7       Am     Am/G Am
||:  /   /   /   /  |  /   /   /   /  :|| [x2]

[Verse 1]
                         Dm
You haven't got a bloody clue,
               E                         Am       Am/G Am
You never ever do the things that proper dogs do,
                      Dm
Like finding your way home,
                   G                C         Csus2 C
Or what to do with bones, as proper dogs do,
    F            E               Am         C7
You walk in your sleep, you feel worried by sheep,
    F
Oh, Jesus Christ,
           E                   Am       Am/G Am
I've never ever known a dog as clueless as   you

[Verse 2]
                         Dm
You haven't got a bloody clue,
                 E                           Am
If I threw you a stick you'd bring me back a lampshade,
Am/G  Am                      Dm
           You stare at empty chairs,
                     G                        C      Csus2 C
When there is no one there, you listen to the radio,
    F            E               Am          C7
You sniff ladies frocks, and the crotches of clergymen,
F
Jesus Christ,
           E                   Am      Am/G Am
I've never ever known a dog as clueless as  you

[Verse 3]
             Dm7 G7    C          E/B
But, you are so  nice,  ...oh, so nice,
    F           E             Am          C7
You bark at the darkness, you fart at our parties,
            Dm7 G7    C           E/B
But, you're so  nice,   ...oh, so nice,
F            E         Am    Am/G Am
Visitors who visit us, visit us   twice

[Verse 4]
                         Dm
You haven't got a bloody clue,
                E                          Am       Am/G Am
I know no other dog that's got a favourite handbag,
                       Dm
You've got no sense of smell,
                G                       C           Csus2 C
You cannot even tell a policeman from a lamp post,
    F             E             Am              C7
You sleep and you eat, and, God knows, you ex - crete,
    F
Oh, Jesus Christ,
           E                   Am       Am/G Am
I've never ever known a dog as clueless as   you

[Verse 5]
            Dm7 G7    C          E/B
But you are so  nice,  ...oh, so nice,
F            E              Am            C7
Burglars a - dore you, they come back for more of you,
Dm7 G7    C          E/B
So  nice,  ...ah, so nice,
F            E          Am     Am/G Am
Burglars who burgle us, burgle us   twice

[Verse 6]
                         Dm
You haven't got a bloody clue,
                  E                      Am       Am/G Am
I couldn't give a toss, because I rather like it,
                  Dm
I couldn't give a toss,
                   G                         C       Csus2 C
Because you do not do the things that proper dogs do,
          F               E
You don't bite, you don't fight,
         Am         C7
There is no kind of spite about you,
F                        E
Jesus Christ, I'm pretty sure,
                    Am       Am/G Am
Would love a dog as clueless as   you

[Verse 7]
                Dm7 G7    C         E/B
Because you are so nice,  ...ah, so nice,
   F            E            Am           C7
No howling, nor prowling, or scowling, no growling,
     Dm7  G7    C          E/B
Just so   nice,  ...oh, so nice,
F          E             Am       Am/G  Am
People who think of you, think of you   twice


============================================================

(Additional verse sometimes used)

[Verse 8]
        Dm7 G7    C      E/B
You are so  nice,  ...so nice,
   F             E             Am            C7
So senseless and weak, so de - fenceless and meek,
           Dm7 G7     C       E/B
But you're so  nice,    ...so nice,
F          E           Am        Am/G  Am
Jesus will have you in his par - a   - dise