They people the town with dominoes half price after dark It’s a half masked, two-faced place to go Good thing the world’s not flat I’d be backing away from there The second hand jacket from the fire brigade Tries to not look drenched While the damp umbrella in the corner Hides a humble fifty pence You would have to hold us back Rod and alcohol combine, a glass of gin And tonight’s the night A sobering thought springs To my mind so I get them in There’s the anecdote about an argument With the singer from jellyfish Made a secretive call to some friends of mine For a gift of twenty quid Just enough to get us pished almost Another drunk pub quiz compare Another drink, just to make it fair I see it’s almost afternoon so I get them in Turn another page past the telly guide And the pissed cartoonist’s strip Take a telephone trip to the lonely hearts’ armchair party night Or explorers can buy a wife from bangkok One day everything turns out right The next is the end of that era But I bottle up and keep it inside, I’m in shipshape Rod and alcohol combine A glass of wine and tonight’s the night A sobering thought springs to my mind so I get them in