Da-da-da, da-da-da-da Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da Da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da Da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da-da-da (Just one drink) Gonna keep it mellow Responsible night for a polite fellow Say hello to my friends and comrades Don’t tend to offend so I say: Perhaps (Just two drinks) As a social courtesy We can raise a glass to our past fraternity It's certainly a perfectly normal and formal get-together But it’s been forever since we gathered so whatever (Just three drinks) For the sake of the old times Proceed with tequila shots with a dish full of cold limes The whole nine Laughing, remembering all the old lines Never used to work but I could give 'em another try (Just four drinks) Ya know, take the edge off I've had a hard week, I deserve to get soft Pick up another round as my friends depart, eh They may not stick around but I just got started Feel so much better than usual I feel indisputable, oh I think that I might be beautiful (Just five drinks) Fuckin' treat myself Pour the Dom Perignon from the back of the top shelf I spend like God, put on airs to sell it Crowd pretends not to care, but I know they're jealous (Just six drinks) Let slip the dogs of war I'm gonna start a fuckin' riot 'til I'm tossed out the front door Zero to sixty, I can turn on a dime I'm hitting bottom and I'm feeling like committing a crime (Just eight drinks) Maybe I've lost count? I can’t remember the night, what I drank, or the amount I’m fading in and out, my very consciousness is crumbling— Sorry, was I saying something? (Twelve drinks) Strolling out of the hospital Is it hair of the dog if you stay drunk and don't stop at all? Another night, losing it more than I can afford Was I just feeling bored? Am I that insecure? Feel so much better than usual I feel indisputable, oh But now I'm feeling so beautiful Don’t wake me up from this spell I’m under If I'm still breathing I know that I will be ugly when I feel like myself again, oh But now I'm feeling so beautiful Bottle of Scotch served on the rocks with a shot of Cachaca Vodka, Sake, Kamikaze with a handle of Sherry A cherry Brandy with a Jaeger, Chaser, Champagne float A Bourbon, hot Toddy in teacup of throat coat Martini, Bellini, Negroni, Baileys, Kahlua, Sambuca Soju, Paloma, Mojito, Gimlet, Frangelico, Guinness Tequila, Manhattan, a Margarita, Old Fashioned Dry Vermouth and something I can't taste 'cause I'm so trashed Soldiering over, I'm slower, shoulder-to-shoulder with no one Stumbling, sobering, making friends with a smoker I know I'm less than upright, losing the fight with the ground Then someone hits the lights as they close for the night now I try to look at Heaven and I can't see the stars A billion-trillion eyes are winking as I walk between parked cars Metabolizing liquor while I'm losing my friends I'm gonna hate myself tomorrow (then I'll do it again) Da-da-da, da-da-da-da Da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da Da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da Da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da-da-da Feel so much better than usual I feel indisputable, oh But now I'm feeling so beautiful Don’t wake me up from this spell I'm under If I'm still breathing I know that I will be ugly when I feel like myself again, oh But now I'm feeling so beautiful My vision is blurry As long as I'm thirsty Nobody can hurt me, hurt me, hurt me