For ten years, Matthew Lillard, he's been off the grid His career disappeared, much like his eyebrows did Shaggy versus Shaggy, but you really don't want it Mine is different, 'cause I got a Grammy with that name on it I'm here to break it to you, Matt, you're never coming back You're only famous in the '90s: You're a human fanny pack I'm here to make you hot, your career been tragic And sadly, you're being served by Mr. Boombastic Good joke about my eyebrows, one thing, though You look like Lenny Kravitz if he let himself go Oh, the great Shaggy, I'm the one who's ugly? I date Christina Hendricks on TV, so that's funny The one-hit wonder, mediocre entertainer They play your song between The Chicken Dance and Macarena You talk about my face, like you some kind of beauty How's your name Shaggy when you look like Scooby? One-hit wonder, I went ten times platinum You're in the first Scream movie, then what the hell happened? You weren't in Scream 2, though, they didn't even ask You could scare the whole cast without even wearing a mask Oh, sorry, that's a spoiler, he was a killer in Scream Then Hollywood was a killer of all of Matthew's dreams I look like Lenny Kravitz? You shouldn't even speak You look like Ryan Phillippe, if he was a meth-head freak When I take home the trophy, you'll consider retirin' You made a song called Target, you're in luck, they're hirin' Put an album with Sting called 44/876 That's a very catchy name, I'm sure it will stick I'm still on TV, your career is unraveled When you performed at the Grammys, I was scared I'd time-traveled Stick with reggae, 'cause ya can't hit the note You sound like Kermit, with a frog in his throat Consider this battle Matthew's life preserver You used to be a heartthrob, now you just a heart murmur When Matt was in his teens, his movies was hot She's All That, but now you're certainly not I'm famous around the world, the spotlight's done You're in Twin Peaks, your career just had one So thanks for tonight, it was hardly a fight You played Shaggy for two hours, I'm Shaggy for life! You're from Jamaica, but you lost the foundation You're as reggae as white girls with braids on vacation Ruined music, now whatchu comin' back for? You got a song called Go Fuck Yourself, I couldn't agree more And I know you brag about it, but it's just so dumb Bob Marley never won a Grammy, but you got one? Tomorrow, when you speak about this battle publicly They'll ask you who won and you'll say: It wasn't me!