Well I'm the Emerald Isle's own son I was born on stateside, Wisconsin And your troubles sound like Hollywood They sound real good to me The rush to be Irish now is on The queue is standing ten miles long And would-be green men stand in line, To swap their stories tall Well I have traced my past right back I've even checked and double checked And I'm as sure as ever now That I'm a leprechaun And I know that if I have my chance That I can jig, and reel, and dance Cuz in between the killing That's what all us Irish do And now a word from our sponsor: Eat up all our TV dinner Open up your wallet wide And let your green be seen A people cannot live that way Or so the songs and leaflets say And all this time we're trying hard To keep the niggers down What with collection time and all With charities, functions and balls It really gives me such a thrill To kill from far away