I'm not scared of you and that is just what scares me Does the contradiction make you mad? Sure as hell's confusing and I think it would be Fair if mostly I just make you sad But there's gotta be a reason We're in our fifth season So I apologize for counting days Gotta record of self-preservation Gotta record of self-sabotage And I apologize for tendencies at odds How am I supposed to trust my gut when taking chances isn't fair? When the opposite of what I think I think's a nightmare I'm tired, I don't care I'd be tired with anyone, anywhere Can something broken break again Don't find out, don't go there My instincts, they scatter Til I'm not sure they matter I'd rather fall and be shattered Than never climb a ladder How I wish I wouldn't fish for reassurance Watch me make a list and check it twice Cherry pick the evidence, ignore the signs I'm trying way too hard to make you nice But there's gotta be a reason We're in our fifth season And I'm still so goddamn insecure Between the instinct to jump to conclusions And the instinct to self-reassure I apologize if everything's a blur How am I supposed to trust my gut when I know exactly how I'd fair If the opposite of what I think I think's a nightmare? I'm tired, I don't care I'd be tired with anyone, anywhere Can something broken break again Don't find out, don't go there My instincts, they scatter Til I'm not sure they matter I'd rather fall and be shattered Than never climb a ladder