My mummy says I'm a miracle My daddy says I'm his special little guy I am a princess And I am a prince Mum says I'm an angel sent down from the sky My daddy says I'm his special little soldier No one is as handsome, strong as me It's true he indulges my tendency to bulge But I'm his little soldier! Hop, 2-4-3! My mummy says I'm a miracle One look at my face, and it's plain to see Ever since the day doc chopped the umbilical cord It's been clear there's no peer for a miracle like me! My daddy says I'm his special little soldier No one is as bold or tough as me Has my daddy told you One day when I'm older I can be a soldier And shoot you in the face? One can hardly move for beauty and brilliance these days It seems that there are millions of these one-in-a-millions these days Special-ness seems de rigueur Above average is average, go figure Is it is some modern miracle of calculus That such frequent miracles don't render each one un-miraculous? My mummy says I'm a miracle One look at my face, and it's plain to see Ever since the day doc chopped the umbilical cord It's been clear there's no peer for a miracle like me! My mummy says I'm a precious barrelina She has never seen a prettier barrelina She says if I'm keen, I have to cut down on the cream But I'm a barrelina, so give me more cake! Take another picture of our angel in that costume that I made The role of tree has never been portrayed with such convincing sway That's right, honey, look at mummy! Don't put honey on your brother Smile for mummy; smile for mother! I think she blinked Well, take another! Have you seen his school report? He got a C on his report! What? We'll have to change his school That teacher's clearly falling short She's just delightful So precarious and insightful Might she be a little brighter than the norm? I know to boast it's frightful form! (Take another!) My mummy says I'm a miracle (She looks lovely in this light) One look at my face, and it's plain to see (Honey, honey) Ever since the day doc chopped the umbilical cord (Don't put honey on your brother) It's been clear there's no peer for a miracle like me! My mummy says I'm a miracle That I'm as tiny and as shiny as a mirror ball You can be all cynical, but it's a truth empirical There's never been a miracle, a miracle, a miracle as me! Every life I bring into this world restores my faith in humankind Each new-born life, a canvas yet unpainted This still unbroken skin This uncorrupted mind Every life is unbelievably unlikely The chances of existence, almost infinitely small The most common thing in life is life And yet every single life bearing new life is a miracle! Miracle! Oh, my undercarriage doesn't feel quite normal My skin looks just revolting in this foul fluorescent light And this gown is nothing like the semi-formal, semi-Spanish gown I should be wearing in the semi-finals tonight I should be dancing the tarantella Cui buon fare italiano Not dressed in hospital cotton With a smarting front bottom And this horrible (Miracle!) Smelly little (Miracle!) Weakly little bowl of fat! (What the hell was that?) Would someone give this thing a bottle? Or swap it for a later model! Why do bad things always happen to good people? Fine, upstanding citizens like you and me? Why, when we've done nothing wrong Should this disaster come along? This horrible, weird-looking Hairy little stinky feet With no sign of a winky-dink at all! Miracle! Miracle! She's a miracle! A miracle! Every life's a miracle! The most beautiful miracle I have ever seen! I can't find his frank & beans! Every life is unbelievably unlikely The chances of existence, almost infinitely small The most common thing in life is life And yet every single life bearing new life is a miracle! Miracle! My mummy says I'm a miracle That I'm as tiny and as shiny as a mirror ball You can be all cynical, but it's a truth empirical There's never been a miracle, a miracle, a miracle as me! My mummy says I'm a lousy little worm My daddy says I'm a bore My mummy says I'm a jumped-up little germ That kids like me should be against the law My daddy says I should learn to shut my pie hole No one likes a smart-mouthed girl like me Mum says I'm a good case for population control Dad says I should watch more TV