When your pubic hair's on fire When you think you're the Messiah When you mistake a plane for Venus When your girlfriend's got a penis Something's wrong When you like music more than life When you start sleeping as you drive When your favourite drink is thinner When you're proud to be a sinner Something's wrong When a canary drives a tractor When your president's an actor When your jacket's plagued with dandruff If you think that this song matters Something's wrong