When we’re together I feel so grand My heart goes tippity-tap-tap-tap When I hold your hand But I know there’s another guy You fancy more So, even though I’m not the one you adore Why not Settle for me Darling, just settle for me I think you’ll have to agree We make quite a pair I know I’m only second place in this game But like two-percent milk Or seitan beef I almost taste the same So won’t you settle for me Come on and settle for me Say yes or no before I choke on all this swallowed pride I have no problem being picked out from the bottom If he’s your broken condom, I’m Plan B! So lower those expectations and settle for me Am I okay with this? Totally! Settle for me Babycakes, just settle for me Schmoopy-pie, I’m beggin' you, please Can’t you see the light? Sugar jugs, I’m so bereft! Demeaning terms are all that I have left Of my masculinity So, settle for me Little girl Don’t make me feel like a little girl Exposed and raw Whose boobs can’t even fill a training bra Let’s pretend I didn’t say that Settle for me It’s a practical proposal Settle for me It makes a certain sense He’s a fantasy But hey, let’s think this through Yes, Josh is a dream, but I’m right here In flesh and blood and self-hate Settle for me In a sad way, darling, it’s fate You’re like Rocky V to Rocky Solange to Beyoncé Not asking to be your fiancé But if tonight or tomorrow If you happen to be free Maybe, just maybe Settle for me!