[Greg] Gather ye 'round and I'll tell you a tale Of all the great times I've had with an ale There's joy and there's glory, more than you can think Yes, this is what happens to me when I drink! I pee my pants! My pants! I pee my pants I get up from the bar to find pee on my pants! I say it's water, but all it takes is a glance For people to realize I peed my pants! [White Josh] Wow, I did not know it was that bad [Greg] Yes, wine can be fun white, rosé and red 'Till I call up my boss to say I wish he was dead Chase down the regret with some gin for good luck Then steal my cousin Jim's landscaping truck Drive home then I puke on my cat, my cat! I puke on my cat I fall through the doorway and puke on my cat Poor little Bruno did not expect that I try for the toilet but puke on my cat! While some can enjoy a Scotch with a steak Or one glass of wine, then they're barely awake For me it's much different what happens when I try to have one, it just turns into ten And then I fly a plane, a plane! I fly a plane I knock on the cockpit shouting, I'll fly this plane! We emergency landed, the TSA came Now I'm banned from Southwest 'cause I try to fly planes! Everybody! [All Men, except Greg] He has sex with a bush, a bush! He has sex with a bush! [Greg] That wasn't a woman? [All Men, except Greg] No it was a bush! It had twigs and leaves 'cause it was a bush! [Greg] That's where that scar comes from! [All Men, except Greg] From sexing a bush! But he's breaking the cycle and making a push! He's quitting his drinking And saving his pants and his cat And Southwest and Jim's truck [HECTOR] And my car [White Josh] My car too! [All Men] And a bush!