I send pictures through the mail Well documented and very detailed To politicians and big celebrities, But none of them are believing in me And I await their response Some send none, most send cops But man it's a dire situation And I will risk the public humiliation Sleestak lightning on my trail It's a dire situation, they are on my trail West Virginia has its Moth Man, Pan handlers' got their Skunk Ape. But I have a tazer and night vision goggles, Costco rolls of black duct tape. It's got red eyes, it's got razor claws, It's got green skin, no it ain't a meth-head. And after studying its behavior, objectively and critically, I believe I have a reliable method.