I was one tough nut until the day you made me crack I was one tough customer until you paid me back I was one tough cookie 'til I crumbled in your hand Since that day I'm half a man I drive my old nine-wheeler down I-two-and-a-half The other truckers pity me so they try not to laugh I pull off in Yreka and check into Motel Three They've always got a little room for me Chorus: Half a man; I'm half a man Sometimes I try to do the best I can I know that on my own foot someday I'll have to stand But right now I don't know how Because I'm only half a man I play solitaire 'til dawn with a deck of twenty-six You might think I'm crazy but that's how I get my kicks I listen to Rush Limbaugh 'cause he helps to ease my pain He makes lots of sense if you're a man with half a brain I buy a tenth of whiskey and a cold three-pack of beer I drink 'til I see single when I gaze into my mirror I know that through that looking glass is where I'll have to be Reunited with the better half of me Chorus Someday I'll find a woman and a half and take her hand But 'til then I don't know when I will be more than half a man