At first there was nothingness, then some unknown process Lead to a great big explosion The universe grew from a subatomic stew Of quarks, gluons, plasmas, and bosons Then gas and dust settled on hot cores of metal And one of these cores was called Earth It was covered with goop, a primordial soup From which all of Earth's life was then birthed At first, single cells, some swam or grew shells Still others evolved to hunt prey Some hid in the sand, some crawled onto land So life, well, life found a way Uh, we already did this bit Uh huh, in the pilot Mm‐hmm There were mosses and gymnosperms, seven-foot-long earthworms Huge dragonflies ruled the sky Amphibians, cephalopods, pedallers both bi- and quad- Reptiles started to fly We had lizards grow big and small, mammals not big at all Sharks were the size of a house Then, one little meteor killed all the dinosaurs So, we evolved from a mouse 8000 BC, Creation Theory Would dictate the song should start here Though most of our herd agree it's absurd Some teach it in place of Shakespeare Let's skip evolution, there're two revolutions Agriculture took us to towns Humans learned to grow wheat, got all fat, loved to eat Stopped walking and just settled down Industrial next, its major effect To take us from towns to the city We mined coals and built trains, machines plowed our grains And we treated the workers real shi- How many more of your Earth seconds is this going to take? Well‐timed interruption! Almost there, I promise! We recorded some tunes, put a man on the Moon Fought more wars than we care to recount Sent the Phoenix to Mars, built electric cars And polluted a shocking amount Skipping to now, we survived, not sure how It's getting real hard to keep track There's Wikipedia, smartphones, tablets, unmanned drones Pick-your-own genomes, ride-sharing, sheep clones Earthquakes and cyclones, valleys of Silicone Gluten-free vegan scones, temperature milestones Keystones and sword thrones, high-interest payday loans Cyclists' testosterone, and everything Musk owns But at least now us Warners are back! We are back, baby!